 Empty nesters often find filling the void difficult after children move away from home. For those parents who spent years following their kids around to numerous sporting events, the emptiness can be even more acute. What to do now?
Joann and Bruce Wingert of Cedar Falls have been empty nesters for just a few months. Son Brian, kicker for the University of Northern Iowa football team, graduated in 2007. His younger sister graduated from Cedar Falls High School in May. Now that their three children no longer live 24-7 in the family home, the Wingerts find themselves with lots of time on their hands.
“What are we going to talk about now?” Bruce said. “Along came the grandson. Now we get to start all over.”
The Wingerts are typical of many families. Barb and Steve Sanders of Oelwein are the parents of former UNI quarterback Eric Sanders, currently a graduate assistant football coach at Syracuse University.  Eric has two older brothers, so the Sanders also are empty nesters. Joi and Roger Stout are the parents of former Panther basketball player Grant, who has younger twin brothers attending William Penn College, near their hometown of New Sharon. Bruce and Linda Kalin of Sioux City are the parents of current UNI women’s basketball player, sophomore Jacqui Kalin. Jacqui is the third of four children.
All four families have spent nearly 20 years following their kids around to various athletic events beginning as early as preschool, through college commencement exercises – not just once, but often with various siblings and more times than not, juggling overlapping competitive seasons.
“I’m sure this fall we will feel a real void in our life,” Steve said. “For nearly 15 years, the start of school meant the next season, the next sport, the next game. Now we have to find other ways to connect. We will still go to a few UNI games and try to make a couple of Syracuse games, but it won’t be the same.”
Joi says she and Roger miss the (UNI) fans and other parents. “I stay in touch with them via e-mail with many of them,” she said. “Going back to the first game after (Grant) graduated was difficult. It was a letdown when his college career was over. That had been such a big part of our lives for so long we didn’t know what we would do. Going to watch our younger sons is great, but it really does lack the degree of excitement we had at UNI.”
The Wingerts, Sanders, Stouts and Kalins are perfect examples of devoted parents. They have missed very few of their children’s events beginning with t-ball and Little League games.
“I’ve been to (almost) every game (Brian’s) ever played in, whether it be t-ball or basketball. Home or away,” Joann said. “I missed one football game in college.”
Brian’s dad, who missed more games before college because of work responsibilities, missed just two of his son’s collegiate football games because of work and illness. But that’s it.
 “Bruce was working a lot so I would go by myself or with friends since Brian was knee-high,” Joann said. “I’ve sat on a lot of bleachers and lawn chairs over the years. Almost every weekend was something. We just loved it. That’s been some of our greatest fun.”
Eric’s father Steve was a high school baseball, basketball and football coach, so he was at many of the games anyway. But “before high school we played over 140 basketball games and nearly that many baseball games over a span of five years,” he said. “(Eric) and his brothers also were active in the Waterloo Junior Golf program for six summers.”
“I had the summers off and did the most traveling out of town since Steve was coaching the high school team,” Barb said. “Everyday was a different schedule. We just made it work. I would drive with friends.”
“During Grant’s first three years of college our younger sons were still in high school,” Joi said. “Grant’s freshman year we probably missed six out-of-state games. His sophomore through senior years we made it to every game, even through blizzards, with the exception of Bucknell and the Washington State tournament. The year UNI played in the NCAA tourney in Oklahoma, I traveled with the team, while Roger went to watch our twins win the Class 1A state championship. It was a difficult day. I was torn, but looking back I’m at peace with the choices we made. We always managed to have at least one parent at all of Grant’s events.
“There were many weeks when we were attending four to six games per week. During Grant’s senior year we had three sons in three different colleges all playing ball (Kirkwood, William Penn, UNI). Life is much easier now with Caleb and Clint both at William Penn.”
Linda says when all four of their children were younger, it was very difficult to attend all games because all four were active in sports and other activities. However, “by the time Jacqui entered college we had only one left at home who also enjoys watching and playing basketball. So last year, at least one of us attended all (UNI’s) home games and several away games.”
Bruce Wingert says the schedules were very difficult for him to balance because of work. A realtor, the busy part of his day begins around 4 p.m. when prospective buyers begin their search for new homes. “I feel somewhat guilty that I wasn’t able to do a better job (of attending kids’ events). There were a lot of things I missed in my kids’ lives.”
Each parent said they wouldn’t have led their lives any other way. “We couldn’t imagine not doing it,” Joann said. “(Following the kids) was a passion of ours, it was a passion of theirs. It was fun, just fun to be there with other parents and the kids and watch them be successful.”
“We felt being there for our children was/is part of being parents,” Joi said. “Roger always planned his farming around the boys’ schedules and my (school) principals were always supportive of me taking days off without pay, or using my personal days. At first Grant didn’t want us to drive all that way when he wasn’t playing much, but later at his senior banquet he let us know how much he appreciated our sacrifices.”
“I don’t know of many (events) where at least one of them wasn’t there, including most of the road games,” Grant said. “Mom tried to bring some kind of food for everyone to enjoy afterwards, so that was nice.”
Jacqui feels the same as Grant. “It is very important to me that my parents attend as many games as possible. I most definitely notice their absence when they are unable to attend. However, when they are in the stands, it gives me that special feeling that subconsciously could never be felt without them there.
“I am surprised because of the three-and-a-half hour drive to the game and then a three-and-a-half hour drive home after the game is a lot of driving in one day. They also made it to some further away games, truly remarkable. If they could not make it to a certain game they had a very good reason why – usually because my younger brother is in high school and he had events they needed to support as well.”
Whether it was driving or having the ability to join the team on an air charter to an event, scheduled activities took priorities over family vacations. The routines also were not inexpensive.
“We didn’t take a lot of other vacations,” Joann said. “That was our entertainment. That was our weekends away. We never minded that.”
“I’d hate to even think about the dollars we spent,” Steve said. “But this is what we decided was important to the boys and made our lives interesting and fulfilling. Some families find other ways to spend their time and money – we spent ours on sports and following our sons.”
“I used tell people it would have been cheaper to pay (Grant’s) tuition than to travel,” Joi said, “but we loved it and it was worth every penny. Between gas, food, flights, motels, time off without pay, we are talking upwards of $10,000, but we really didn’t keep track too closely. We just knew it was the right thing to do.”
“It’s a limited amount of time that we have to enjoy watching Jacqui and her team play so it’s well worth it,” Linda said.
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